I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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