took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
