There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
