that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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