Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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