No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
