Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
