At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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