forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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