I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
