Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
