the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize