I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your cock deserves a montage
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
