HIV tests are more positive than that guy
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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