if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
