My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
