I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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