I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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