I just threw up on my dentist
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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