so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
