"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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