She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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