My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
