my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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