so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
