I accidentally had phone sex last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
