I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
