another moral hangover. fuck.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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