It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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