Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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