I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
