we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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