new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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