Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
