There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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