you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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