it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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