I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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