i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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