it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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