Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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