At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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