Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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