dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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