OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
