Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
