And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
