I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
