I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
