you mean i was at the winter classic?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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