I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
