In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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