Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
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The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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