oh god the rape fog is back!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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