You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
