the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They have beer where we have blood.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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