this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
