just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
