I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sober January is a disaster.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
